I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
