Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
