i would punch a child for taco bell
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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