and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
