I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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