My liver just broke up with me...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
