when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
