Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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