First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
