I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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