I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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