fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
