Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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