Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
