Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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