SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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