its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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