he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
this hospital has no fireball
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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