The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
