If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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