ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
