we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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