how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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