I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my being single is dangerous.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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