An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
