Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
