my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
