You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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