when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
