Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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