did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
