Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need to calm my uterus...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
