whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
