Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is wine microwaveable?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
