i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
