I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
