Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
wow bdsm is so cute
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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