I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
