We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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