Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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