Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
