I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
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If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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