I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
