maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
