i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
