____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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