Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
