Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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