I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
