Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
