Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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