The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
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WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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