so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
