wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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