Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
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i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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