Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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