We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
whose parrot is this?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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