It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
