never play flip cup with pint glasses
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
