Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
