Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
