I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
