theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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