I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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