So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
