bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
