Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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