We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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