o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
