I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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