Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
