mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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