Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
