I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
