For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
