Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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