don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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