Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
