I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
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'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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