I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
