Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
