My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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